I Was Born This Way?

Some people feel like they were born the wrong gender. Their body has somehow betrayed their true self, and the person they were really meant to be is trapped somewhere inside a false facade.

I can relate. Most days I feel like I've swallowed (whole) a skinny version of myself, and that skinny person is inside kicking and screaming to get out. One failed diet after another has left my facade a deteriorating, weak, and weathered mess.

It's a shame that most of us are brain washed into the idea that fat = lazy. Up until about a year and a half ago I felt pretty good, I weighed about the same, but I could go up and down the stairs with minimal problems, I had less pain and more energy... but one day someone flipped a switch and I became too fat, too tired, and too old.

And then came the health problems, one right after another, after another. I don't think there has been a month since at least January 2010 where I haven't had to see one or more of my team of doctor's and specialists. I'm on entirely too many medications, I'm still not losing weight, and I'm at my wits end.

Some may think weight loss surgery is the "easy" or "lazy" way out. For me, its my last resort. I have been within 40 pounds of my current weight (plus or minus) for over 10 years. That means for over 10 years I've been carrying the weight of an entire other person around (and then some), and its killing me.

I do not take my decision lightly, in fact it took me over a year of thinking about it and making excuses about why I hadn't done anything about it yet to realize that it was no longer a choice. No more than choosing if you want to live or die is a choice.

I know this will be hardest, scariest thing I've ever done, but I also know that it will save my life.